Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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