Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
