I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
