Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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