I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
