this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
