Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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