got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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