remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
