you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
