Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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