Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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