PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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