He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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