She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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