it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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