the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
