I just made out with a guy for $7.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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