I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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