ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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