I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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