I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize