I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Where is the hickey?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
did i walk over a car last night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
