I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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