just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
