Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
