If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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