I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
