half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
