i can't believe i had my finger in that
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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