i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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