I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
