lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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