So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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