At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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