Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
