Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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