you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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