Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
