Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
