Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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