My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
