her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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