I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
