Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
