I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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