you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You took a bar mat shot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
