God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
