I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
