remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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