accomplished twins. life is a go
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
