Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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