I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
