They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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