last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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