He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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