im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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