I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
