1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
