This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
