I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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