5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
