I feel like abortions should bother me more
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe