I think i sorta joined a cult last night
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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