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i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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