Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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