whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
