Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
