omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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