If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
