i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
