i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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