She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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