she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...