Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting http://tfl.nu/c988

Replies (2) Good night (832) Bad night (956)
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz

Replies (1) Good night (680) Bad night (2309)
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch. http://tfl.nu/eota

Replies (14) Good night (894) Bad night (3324)
Favorite
(+27): View more from South Africa

I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.

(+27): View more from South Africa

I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+27): I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake. (+27): I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better. http://tfl.nu/rfir

Replies (39) Good night (4344) Bad night (1681)
Favorite
(216): View more from Ohio

ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1. http://tfl.nu/a49b

Replies (59) Good night (11356) Bad night (1398)
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass http://tfl.nu/mda2

Replies (17) Good night (3190) Bad night (2712)
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock http://tfl.nu/svlq

Replies (8) Good night (1279) Bad night (3464)
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside. http://tfl.nu/nyqa

Replies (2) Good night (1920) Bad night (917)
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar. http://tfl.nu/d2sa

Replies (5) Good night (3167) Bad night (847)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator? http://tfl.nu/5m0o

Replies (10) Good night (3129) Bad night (1161)
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/4mfa

Replies (5) Good night (1812) Bad night (655)
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap http://tfl.nu/vchr

Replies (3) Good night (1316) Bad night (490)
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true. http://tfl.nu/qsda

Replies (8) Good night (2610) Bad night (597)
Favorite
(320): View more from Minnesota

how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(320): how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back? http://tfl.nu/ycg3

Replies (13) Good night (1064) Bad night (379)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning? http://tfl.nu/7de2

Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (408)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard