I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
