Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night

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(773): Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night http://tfl.nu/fbj4

Replies (18) Good night (1158) Bad night (4082)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.

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(317): Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am. http://tfl.nu/ygwv

Replies (11) Good night (1004) Bad night (5448)
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(443): View more from Maryland

you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

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(443): you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it http://tfl.nu/4e12

Replies (9) Good night (1192) Bad night (4213)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

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(614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122

Replies (24) Good night (9107) Bad night (1129)
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(512): View more from Texas

Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

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(512): Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her. http://tfl.nu/6ypm

Replies (50) Good night (18022) Bad night (1220)
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(940): View more from Texas

Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.

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(940): Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car. http://tfl.nu/1zvq

Replies (8) Good night (864) Bad night (2530)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.

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(267): he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice. http://tfl.nu/aht5

Replies (14) Good night (5212) Bad night (1020)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

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(704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it. http://tfl.nu/goy6

Replies (13) Good night (4304) Bad night (1397)
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(602): View more from Arizona

UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.

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(602): UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle. http://tfl.nu/69ov

Replies (7) Good night (1786) Bad night (918)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.

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(423): Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows. http://tfl.nu/mbnt

Replies (11) Good night (1831) Bad night (693)
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(925): View more from California

I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.

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(925): I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place. http://tfl.nu/fozt

Replies (10) Good night (1427) Bad night (733)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?

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(570): You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award? http://tfl.nu/wwxx

Replies (9) Good night (927) Bad night (636)
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(509): View more from Washington

The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.

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(509): The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by. http://tfl.nu/ohjn

Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (297)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.

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(614): I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low. http://tfl.nu/zc0w

Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (787)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.

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(703): Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night. http://tfl.nu/79l1

Replies (0) Good night (608) Bad night (314)

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