I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened