we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me