I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends