Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
